Shame
by Obi the Kid
Summary: Pre-TPM time-frame. Jaythen is 11 . Obi-Wan POV. Obi-Wan helps Jaythen deal with the events of a mission gone wrong.


**TITLE:** Shame

**AUTHOR**: Obi the Kid

**RATING:** PG

**CHARACTERS**: Jaythen Talari, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn

**SUMMARY:** Pre-TPM time-frame. (Jaythen is 11). Obi-Wan POV. Obi-Wan helps Jaythen deal with the events of a mission gone wrong.

**NOTE:** This story will make more sense if you've read my other stories that star Jaythen Talari.

**DISCLAIMER:** The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. I make no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.

_****This is story is part of a challenge I made to myself. My goal, to take the 12 songs titles from the Matchbox Twenty album "Yourself or Someone Like You" and write a story that goes with each song title (these are NOT song fics). In no particular order, the stories will be called: Real World; Long Day; 3AM; Push; Girl Like That; Back to Good; Damn; Argue; Kody; Busted; Shame and Hang. They will be a mix of Jaythen based stories, Yappy Obi (YO) stories (for all you YO fans out there) and Qui-Gon & Obi-Wan based stories. I hope you enjoy!****_

I knew that position. The slump of the shoulders. The hanging of the head. The look of utter despondence, feeling as if the entire galaxy knew what you'd done and blamed you for it.

I'd been there, where Jaythen is now. And one thing I'm certain of is that I don't ever want to be there again.

One day removed from his mission, he was struggling. The report about the mission wasn't public viewing, but Jaythen's master, T'narr, had spoken to Qui-Gon about what had transpired. So I knew the broader details and I figured I might be able to help, having felt these feelings in the past.

I stretched upwards and out of my squatting position on the gym floor from where I'd been watching him. It was obvious he was trying to avoid people in general. No eye contact, no lifting his head at the nearby rowdy activities of the sparring gym. Confusing to me though was why, if he was trying to avoid, that he would come here of all places.

I could only guess that perhaps the sounds drowned out the reality and aftermath of what had happened.

I didn't announce my presence, but oddly enough he seemed to know it was me. And he didn't pull away when I put an arm around his slight shoulders. With Jaythen, physical contact was more settling to him than words. I hoped I could offer both.

"You okay?"

I was rewarded with a shrug.

"These things happen to us, Jaythen. We mess up. That's why we train for so long. I'm sure Master Qui-Gon could tell you stories about me. I was full of mistakes when I was younger. I still am."

"But I froze, Obi-Wan. And Eryck got hurt because of it. Because of me! He saved my life after I almost got him killed."

"Do you know why you froze?"

"I couldn't kill that lady," he began, anxiety quickly rising as the speed of his speech increased. "She was firing at us and trying to kill us, but I saw her and I…I just froze. I can't explain why. I stood there like a fool, leaving myself open to fire. I heard Master T'narr yelling after me from across the platform, telling me to get down. I panicked after that and almost got Eryck killed in the process."

He stopped for a minute to catch his breath and his fragile emotions. For the few years I'd know him, Jaythen was the most emotionally prone apprentice I knew. It was part of him. He'd had a difficult past, losing those he was closest to and he'd been bitten emotionally by those losses. It made him more sensitive than most his age, but it also made him one of the most caring eleven year olds I'd ever met.

This was hitting him so hard because his best friend, Eryck S'val, had been the victim. Jaythen didn't have many friends. Myself, Eryck and a boy his age on Kembar Lune. He tended to stay within himself and again his past was a big part of the why. One thing about Jaythen though, those few friendships he had, he took very seriously and dedicated himself to maintaining them. Which is exactly why this was so difficult for him to deal with.

He released a heavy breath and said, "I let everyone down, Obi-Wan. Especially Eryck. And I failed in all that Master T'narr has tried to teach me."

"Because you couldn't take another's life?"

I tried to spin this in a direction that would make him feel less ashamed about what had happened. Similar to how Master Qui-Gon had worked me through a similar issue years ago.

"Those things happen, Jaythen, especially when we're young and uncertain. New and dangerous situations happen so quickly and so often, we think we know how to react, but when it happens, sometimes we're betrayed by our own consciousness and our own morals."

"But I really messed up, Obi-Wan. Eryck came to my aide and I couldn't - I didn't protect him. I feel so horrible inside."

"So you shame yourself. I know. I've been there."

"You've felt horrible too?"

"Sometimes. Usually for no reason, so Master Qui-Gon would tell me. He's always referred to most of my mistakes as growing pains and said that if I didn't make mistakes, I wasn't trying hard enough."

I think I managed to confuse him with that one, but in the end he decided that it made some sort of backward sense. Still, it didn't lighten the crushing weight. And it all kept coming back to Eryck getting injured.

"Eryck got hurt. He's okay, but I did that. I went to see him in the hospital and I had to leave the room because I felt sick to my stomach. I threw up when I got back to quarters. Then I came here."

"Have you tried to figure out why you froze? Was there something the lady did or something she said? Was she force-abled or some other power that had over you?"

"No, nothing like that. I just saw her and I couldn't deflect the blaster bolts back at her. I don't know how she missed hitting me, but she did. Eryck was able to take her out with one deflection. I watched her fall and scream in pain."

Then, in a moment of reflection and clarity, he remembered - he remembered his past.

"I…the scream reminded me of…and her long dark hair…I think she reminded me of Master Valree."

Master Valree was the creche master who had been killed in a fire. A woman that had looked after him and cared about him when no one else had. That's why he'd frozen and that's why he couldn't bring himself to fire on the woman firing at them. In that brief instance, she brought back memories of his beloved crèche master. It all made sense now.

I glanced over and caught him wiping at his eyes, his head still down. I tightened my hold on his shoulders.

"You weren't expecting that type of memory and it hit without warning. It's a natural reaction, Jaythen. Don't be ashamed of caring. Too many Jedi have given up on that emotion and they function completely on instinct."

"I should be better at controlling my feelings of the past. I knew it wasn't her, but I froze anyway."

"Memories are difficult things, Jaythen, especially when they involve friends or loved ones. And they'll cause your mind to do funny things."

"Master T'narr will be disappointed in me," he sniffed.

I hid a smile at the comment. There was just no way that would _ever_ happen. "No, I don't think so."

"I'll be disappointed in me."

"Now that part _is_ true. And it'll play with your mind for a while. Don't be fooled by it. And don't let it rule you either. Remember Master Qui-Gon's words - this is just a growing pain. You'll learn from the hurt. But in the end, Eryck will be okay. _You_ will be okay."

Finally he looked up at me, his weary green eyes holding the slightest ray of hope.

"Did you ever get a friend hurt by doing something stupid?"

"I did. And it hurt like hell. My friend died. I blamed myself for a long time. Eventually though I understood that it wasn't my fault."

"Do you still think about it?"

"Sometimes."

"What do you think I should do?"

"You learn from this. Understand why it happened. And you talk to your master about it. And I mean spill your guts. I made the mistake of hiding from mine for too long. I just flat out refused to talk about it. It festered inside me until it came out as anger. I did it the wrong way. You can do this correctly. Talk to Master T'narr. Go see Eryck. Don't be ashamed to admit your mistake. Don't be ashamed to learn from that mistake."

He stood. I stood with him. In typical Jaythen fashion, he wrapped me in a hug.

When he released me, his eyes were filled again, but his face held the beginnings of a smile.

"I'll go see Eryck, then I'll talk to my master. Like you said."

And just like that, he quickly hurried off just as an imposing figure approached me from the side. A large calloused hand settled on my shoulder. Qui-Gon.

"You'll make a master yet, Obi-Wan. You have a way with the young ones."

I felt my face flush slightly at the warm compliment. Qui-Gon had been nearby and I hadn't known, his shields were tight, allowing me to continue to learn from my mistake of years ago by helping another through similar.

That was Qui-Gon, always the teacher.

I smirked towards him as I said, "I learned from the best, Master."

"Indeed you did," he replied with a relaxed grin.

We left the sparing gym and the Temple for a rare meal out. And surprisingly enough, I found myself at complete ease in my feelings that Jaythen would find the same lesson in his fault that I found in mine.

_The End._


End file.
